I've been working on myself for awhile. I think it's part of growing up and getting older. Maybe it's because after years of worry, I'm coming into my own at the age of 36 (almost 37, WHAT?) and I'm feeling more confident in who I am. Maybe it's because my give a damn is truly coming to a point of being busted.
As a young girl I was exposed to social media. It was just starting and wasn't to the point it is today. Cyber bullying was existent, but it wasn't nearly as volatile. Although it was relatively new, it impacted me in various ways. It taught me to keep to myself, play nice, and never poke a sleeping bear. It also taught me self reflection and to be inhibited.
In college, my favorite class was magazine writing. Dr. Hurlow instilled in us, a love for writing that I'd never known. I had always been forced to write in middle and high school and deeply despised it. She gave me the gift of understanding that I could impact others with words. She would delicately go over our submissions, mark them up, and talk about how we could make them even better. She encouraged us to write about whatever appealed to us, whatever brought joy, resolution, and passion. I'm forever grateful.
Over the years, I've been though some very difficult times. I've watched family and friends be slaughtered by social media. I've watched those I care deeply about be accused of horrible things, made to look like a menace to society, and be called reprehensible names. Those days have stuck with me for a long time. They shoved me into silence and timidness.
I lost my joy. I lost my need to creatively write. I lost my purpose, passion, and drive to put words onto paper for others to read. I'm digging deep right now to put my words on your screen. I'm taking a deep breath as I press submit. My stomach churns as I share it in various groups. My heart skips a beat as I see the number of shares.
My point is, this isn't easy. Blogging is one of the hardest things I've done in awhile, but also one of the most freeing. What is holding you back in your personal or professional life? What's causing you to be timid, angry and unable to reflect? What's snuffing out your passion, purpose, and drive? What's causing a reaction instead of a response?